Monday, April 01, 2013

Recent Bonfires - April Fools Edition


April 1st wind-ups

£4,800 for boob job - "WANNABE glamour model Josie Cunningham shows off her new 36DD boobs - served up on the NHS. Josie, 22, had a £4,800 breast op funded by the taxpayer after telling her GP that being flat-chested was causing emotional distress. The Leeds telesales girl said: “My new boobs have changed my life, now I want to be the new Katie Price". Despite earning just £9,000-a-year in telesales, Josie has made several trips from her Yorkshire home to get used to the celebrity lifestyle in London nightspots. She has also had chocolate brown highlights in her hair to copy busty Katie, begun a collection of Louis Vuitton handbags — and ordered a chihuahua puppy." (Sun 29-3-13)

£90k for prisoner sex change ops - "Two prisoners at a maximum security jail have used human rights laws to force taxpayers to foot the £90,000 bill for their sex-change operations. Both men are serving lengthy sentences at Full Sutton jail near York. Alongside the £45,000 cost of each operation, thousands more has been spent training guards to deal with the inmates’ new identities." (Express 22-3-13)

£16m for fatcat civil servants - "Fatcat civil servants at the Department of Energy were handed more than £16 million in bonuses and payoffs in the past two years. Taxpayers have funded exit packages worth more than £7.6 million since 2011, with some employees getting more than £100,000. And £9 million has been paid out in bonuses in the last financial year. Labour MP Pamela Nash said the payments were an “absolute scandal”. She said: “It is not surprising the Government are not tackling rising energy bills seriously when they can’t even control the bonuses.” (Mirror 30-3-13)


April 1st total - £16,094,800

(The joke being entirely on you)

3 comments:

  1. Anonymous2:25 pm

    TBF, i'm not too fussed about the boob job, that's what taxation's for, innit? Taxi?

    ReplyDelete
  2. William Norton6:15 pm

    I think you can congratulate yourself, Mike. You've finally found something worthwhile for the state to shower our cash upon. That's only taken, what, 8 years?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Irony is Josie now wants a breast reduction!

    Laura, Medical Negligence Solicitors

    ReplyDelete